My dear child of the Universe, the question you pose applies not only to young people, but all people; and it applies no only to selecting a life mate, but to every other relationship, as well. Know this: relationships are driven by karma, both the good kind and the not-so-good kind. That is simply a fact, and in and of itself, is neither a good thing nor a bad thing. Ultimately, you find relationship with a partner who meets your karmic needs for growth and evolution, even though in some situations it does not appear this way. That being said, there are factors to consider in choosing a partner that are always helpful.

In the first place, look for someone in whose presence you arise in wholeness. In other words, asking for someone who is whole is asking too much. Ask for someone around whom you can be whole, or around whom you can grow into wholeness. This is the most important thing. In relationships, there is always some conflict that will arise, for such is the nature of relating. Many people ask me how they can find their "soul mates," but what they are really asking is how to find someone with whom there will be no conflict. The truth is, however, that one can (and does) have conflict in their own mind, whether there in another person around or not. When conflict does arise, however, one must be careful not to blame the other person for the conflict, for the roots of conflict were there all along. The other person might have provided a certain experience so that those roots (perhaps hidden to you) can become unhidden, therefore offering you an opportunity to heal.

In the second place, do not worry so much about what level a person is on, because how you see another person's level is determined by your own karma. If it is possible, however, try to find someone who is above your level, or what you perceive to be your level. This is not to say that you can find someone who appears to be above your level in every way, but it is good to find someone who has some spiritual skill that you are still working on. Their presence in your life will tend to cause you to feel some pressure to grow in that area. Indeed, the best coupling situations are not necessarily those free of all conflict, but are those in which each person knows they are learning something from the other.

Good communication is necessary for good relationship. This is true in every culture, although there are wide cultural differences in how such is determined. If good communication is not present, good relationship will be ruptured in one way or another. Without good and honest communication, trust cannot be built. It is the presence of trust in a relationship that brings forth the support about which you were asking. Try not to think you know how that trust should look in advance, but let trust grow over time, based on a true desire to know each other fully. Always remember there are parts to the other individual that you can begin to know only with the passage of time. Try to always be curious as to who this other person really is. Nurture respect and appreciation for both your likenesses and your differences. Never forget the wonder of what it is to be human, and try to help each other to be fully human, in the very best sense of the word.

Try not to worry too much about finding the "right" person. Ultimately, you have only your deep instincts to go on in the process of finding the right mate, and you can discover that those deep instincts are enough. If you fall into worry about the choice, you run the risk of making the whole event so complicated you will never be satisfied with your choice, and you will be prone toward much self-doubt, which only can become problematic in relationship. If you doubt yourself, you will end up doubting the other person, as well. Doubt triggers the destruction of trust and generally prevents good communication.

Lastly, relate to the other person as if both your enlightenment and theirs depended on how you create the relationship. This may sound complicated, but what it really requires is for you to bring your full attention into every relational moment. I often tell my students that to see what is really going on in the enlightenment process is a four-fold step, but it is the same advice I give students for creating a highly functional and spiritually awake relationship. These four steps are:

• Show up. That is, bring your full attention and awareness to the moment. This is true whether it is a moment that feels gratifying or a moment that is difficult. Try to keep you mind present in the moment, letting go of the influences of the past and the hopes and expectations for the future. Try to see what is really going on in the moment by giving the present moment your full attention.
• Pay attention. Stay with what is going on between you and the other, and pay attention to the needs and wants that each of you bring to the moment. Developing strong concentration in your mediation will help you with this step. You must learn not to let the mind wander, but bring your full attention to the interaction at hand.
• Give the relationship your best effort. Guard against becoming sloppy in the relationship by thinking you know what is going on, or that you fully understand either yourself or the other. Try to be your best self in all situations, and try to bring the other person's best self out in every situation.
• Avoid being attached to specific outcomes. This is the hardest part, since most people feel there would be no reason to try to be their best self if they were not attached to a specific outcome. However, this kind of attachment can become the source of a lot of suffering, both for you and the other. Try to stay open to see what might be arising, but don't get caught in the trap of karma that your mind projects, believing that it holds liberation for you or your partner. The mind is forever tricky, and ultimately, you are trying to stretch beyond the boundaries of mind to discover Consciousness. Relationships are very good for showing you where you have not yet reached engaged neutrality.

Thank you for this question. I hope people of all ages and all levels of relational competence will be able to learn something from your openness and sincerity. Many blessings to you!